Was looking forward to the NE 1 because after so many weeks of hard work, it’s officially our first show with audience!
Apart of these 2 photos of Lyn doing her makeup, I basically did not have any time to take other photos. The rest were all contributed by fellow friends and participants~ Hardly had time to even sit down as well because the moment I found a place to sit, we would be asked to gather either for discussion or to guide finale dance steps and etc…Zzzzzz.
Luckily I am still quite used to putting on makeup, so it wasn’t such a “chua sai” moment like it is for her…LOL. And because she was busy with her makeup, I didn’t have my little assistant to help my costume and hair 😦 Luckily Eunice 老师 they all happened to come into the changing room and helped me with my hair while I was struggling~
Caught on candid camera with a super black face -_- Guess you can see how much I dislike the costume and also going back to my baby-sitting role.
Okay to be exact, I am actually quite okayyyyy with the costume, except that super tall hat! Firstly, it’s really damn ugly and I cannot recall which emperor would wear this except that 大二伯公 Chinese god with tongue sticking out. Secondly, it creates so much hassle for our hair because till now we can’t find a suitable hairstyle for it! Can’t squeeze a bun in and yet can’t have any hair to be seen -.-”
Thirdly, it’s really such a nuisance during the performance when our umbrella prop keeps hitting the tall hat! Not like once but almost every time we hold the umbrella upwards! Can’t even do our high claps for finale dance…Zzzzzz. These designers really need to do a good dance with the costume and props before designing such nonsense.
Caught on candid camera again while some VIP is talking~ Guess the Chinese group are really not used to putting on a smile just for show.
Group photos with the VIP~ Spot me!
Finally some personal photo-taking time! Because we can finally upload to social media now -.- Even though we have been emphasising to our participants about this strict rule of not revealing photos of the costume or anything about the show onto social media, I actually can understand why they feel so ridiculous about this rule.
I don’t know why they gotta be so strict this year, it’s not like someone’s gonna steal their idea and create another NDP show. Or is it meant to be a surprise? Well, I think the surprise could have been a better one.
And this weird woman insisted on photo-bombing because she said we need 1 more Malay group >.>
I forgot that I actually took this photo…hmmmm. I think there were a lot of last-minute-being-grabbed-into-photos happening ._.
Heading off to the gate for our performance! These are some of the more obedient babies that I take charge of (:
I don’t know how did the overall show go, but there wasn’t much hiccups on my side~ Except for the times I hit my hat with the stupid umbrella and felt so annoyed…Zzzzz. The crowd was awesome though! Those primary 5 kids were really enthusiastic and excited! A pity I did not spot any of my residents from MINDS~
But but but! I still managed to see my first audience this year – Shuning and fiancé – Nick! A quick snap but alamak. Face so big!
Shuning kept saying I look so cute in my costume -_- I know that just means ugly but
adorable funny. I can hardly recognise myself with that hat on, let alone her trying to spot me!
A faraway shot by Shuning~ Can recognise meh seriously?! -.-” Damn 丑 hat!
Cannot have our usual photo session at the stage area after the show, damn sian…Zzzzz. Had to keep our costumes on so that we can take photo with the ever dua bai Kelly back at the holding area!
Totally no mood for Starbucks after what happened during the return of the FM. 无缘无故被骂！Zzzzzz. Used my 1-for-1 drink for Tiff and Lyn’s secret drinks instead~ I don’t even remember what they ordered because I am just damn dulan.
Because I dreamt of Lyn trying to tattoo Rilakkuma on me, so I decided to do it on her instead! Hahaha! Eric said dreams are usually the opposite of reality 😛 It was a quite sketch while she was queuing up, hence the odd face.
Did a proper one later and it was a great improvement okay! Even got 3D nose because it’s her big mole! ROFL!!!
It wasn’t a happy NE 1 at all because of what happened at night, followed by the next day. Both matters were NOT our fault at all, I would say, but yet we were the ones that became the scapegoat ONCE AGAIN. It’s easy to shout at someone when things didn’t go your way, but before you fucking shout, make sure you are shouting at the RIGHT person! 像疯狗乱喊能解决问题吗？！
It’s really a major drop in morale to all of us being shouted at for something that is not within our control or our fault. In the first place you as the in-charge failed to channel the information to your announcer, and yet you are shouting and barking at us when the wrong announcement was made? Is that even fair to us? YOU are the one who should be telling your announcer what to say! But YOU did not! And YOU pushed the blame to US!
Not being remorseful at all for barking at the wrong person, you went on barking when we executed plans according to instructions this time. How the message are usually passed down goes this way – the core team (in-charge/choreographer) > their assistants (PA staff/trainers/whoever’s assistant) > US > participants. We are just really small fry listening to instruction from whoever above us and channeling to our participants, yet guess who gets blamed when we got the wrong information or in this case, right information but just that a few weren’t aware of it. So again, is that miscommunication within the core team our fault? Are we to be blamed if information was not being passed to each other within the core team???
Just because not every one knows about that piece of information being passed to us doesn’t means that we are doing the wrong thing! And did anyone apologise for wronging us after 老师 revealed that it was actually his instructions and he forgot to tell the rest? Will anyone ever say that “Oh the fault lies on our miscommunication. The GLs/AGLs are innocent people following instructions“? No, because we are just people to be conveniently pointed fingers at the moment anything goes wrong and never people significant enough to deserve any credit.
It became our fault somehow again even when we tried to explain that we were told to do so. It became like we “did it our own way” without verifying. So now, whose information should we trust and whose should we doubt, check and verify? I think I remembered verifying things before but it didn’t turn out good either. That’s when I learned how to just STFU AND FOLLOW instructions, not to question anything anymore. But in the end, we are being called “BLIND FOLLOWERS“. I will always remember these 2 words as a reminder for next year why I shouldn’t get myself into such shit again!
I just feel so 委屈 that we merely followed instruction and yet we were being “blamed” for it. Never follow, also our fault, now follow, also our damn fault! It’s easy to push the blame and point fingers, it’s easy to always blame it on us GLs/AGLs for every shit that happened, but isn’t it more important to find out the root of the problem and where the real fault lies before conveniently pointing to us again and again? It’s like every thing something screwed up, I’ll hear, “That’s why we need you GLs and AGLs to manage your participants, to do this and that“. Have we not done? Do you even have cooperative participants in the first place?? So what’s there to blame on us again and again???
I cannot find the correct ratio to represent the number of times I have heard, “Can GLs/AGLs do this and that” VS the number of times I heard, “The GLs/AGLs HAVE DONE this and that *followed by something encouraging*“. This definitely doesn’t work well on the morale and after these 2 consecutive incidents, I kept recalling what Uncle Mak said to me just in the afternoon during our cue run – “Vivian 啊。。自从你做了组长, 你的笑容少了很多。以前看到你都是笑容满满的, 现在很少笑了。 ” I was like, he’s right, he’s god damn right. I have definitely lost the smile that I carried to practice every week, and I have also lost a substantial amount of passion I have for this annual event. It makes me question myself – why do I have to go on? What’s the reason for me to carry on???
Then it went back to when I first started last year, I said that I wanna give it a try, I wanna seize this learning opportunity and more importantly, I hope I can contribute to make a better show. Give it a try – I have tried; tried my best but it’s still not enough. Seize this learning opportunity – I have definitely learned a lot in these 2 years, but I still haven’t learned how to deal with human beings, or rather, 人际关系。It reminds me of Ruien’s thank-you speech during this year’s Star Awards – “像我这样一个直性，将喜怒哀乐都写在脸上的人也许很容易引起外界的争议。我常想，这样的格性是否适合演艺圈。”
I can totally understand her words, because we are just people who don’t like to put on a mask or say something nice just because we have to. I know it’s a good survival skill – knowing what to say and most importantly, know how to be 2-face, saying good stuff in front of one and bitching behind the back, but it’s a skill that I have not mastered and I don’t know if I ever wanna master. 这样做人，不是很复杂吗？喜欢就喜欢，不喜欢就不喜欢。我不需往不尊重我的人脸上贴金。Because when the mask is unveiled, you will realise who are the real ones and who have been fake. The ones who have been sweet-talking to you the most or whom you trust the most, may also be the same people who are saying nasty things behind your back. I don’t want to be that scary person. I rather be the useless but real one.
Last but not least, contribute to make a better show – I don’t know if I have done so, but I know that was my priority when I first agreed to be an AGL. I thought if I could help to make it a better show, why not? It has always been my wish to make our NDP item better, because I know it has never been perfect. But it seems that I am bothered by more administrative matters and politics than stuff that can really improve the show. Perhaps I have overestimated myself or what I can do. Perhaps my existence in this group of leaders doesn’t really quite matter. After all, I am just a blind follower. It’s time to go back to what I really am and where I belong. At least, I can appreciate myself for the effort I put in every week’s performance.