So this is the result of the personality test that I mentioned in my previous post! I think it is accurate to a large extent, like 85%, except for maybe the traditions part and sensitivity part. I have highlighted all the parts that I strongly agree, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the parts are what I don’t agree with. It just depends on circumstances and the highlighted ones are the spot on ones~
ESFJ Personality (“The Consul”)
People who share the ESFJ personality type are, for lack of a better word, popular – which makes sense, given that it is also a very common personality type, making up twelve percent of the population. In high school, ESFJs are the cheerleaders and the quarterbacks, setting the tone, taking the spotlight and leading their teams forward to victory and fame. Later in life, ESFJs continue to enjoy supporting their friends and loved ones, organizing social gatherings and doing their best to make sure everyone is happy.
Discussing scientific theories or debating European politics isn’t likely to capture ESFJs’ interest for too long. (VERY TRUE!!!) ESFJs are more concerned with fashion and their appearance, their social status and the standings of other people. Practical matters and gossip are their bread and butter, but ESFJs do their best to use their powers for good.
Respecting the Wisdom of Leadership
ESFJs are altruists, and they take seriously their responsibility to help and to do the right thing. Unlike their Diplomat (NF) relatives however, people with the ESFJ personality type will base their moral compass on established traditions and laws, upholding authority and rules, rather than drawing their morality from philosophy or mysticism. It’s important for ESFJs to remember though, that people come from many backgrounds and perspectives, and what may seem right to them isn’t always an absolute truth. <- What I have been told all the time.
ESFJs love to be of service, enjoying any role that allows them to participate in a meaningful way, so long as they know that they are valued and appreciated. This is especially apparent at home, and ESFJs make loyal and devoted partners and parents. ESFJ personalities respect hierarchy, and do their best to position themselves with some authority, at home and at work, which allows them to keep things clear, stable and organized for everyone.
Play Dates Aren’t Just for the Kids!
Supportive and outgoing, ESFJs can always be spotted at a party – they’re the ones finding time to chat and laugh with everyone! But their devotion goes further than just breezing through because they have to. ESFJs truly enjoy hearing about their friends’ relationships and activities, remembering little details and always standing ready to talk things out with warmth and sensitivity. If things aren’t going right, or there’s tension in the room, ESFJs pick up on it and to try to restore harmony and stability to the group. <- And it’s freaking tiring.
Being pretty conflict-averse, ESFJs spend a lot of their energy establishing social order, and prefer plans and organized events to open-ended activities or spontaneous get-togethers. People with this personality type put a lot of effort into the activities they’ve arranged, and it’s easy for ESFJs’ feelings to be hurt if their ideas are rejected, or if people just aren’t interested. Again, it’s important for ESFJs to remember that everyone is coming from a different place, and that disinterest isn’t a comment about them or the activity they’ve organized – it’s just not their thing.
Coming to terms with their sensitivity is ESFJs’ biggest challenge – people are going to disagree and they’re going to criticize, and while it hurts, it’s just a part of life. The best thing for ESFJs to do is to do what they do best: be a role model, take care of what they have the power to take care of, and enjoy that so many people do appreciate the efforts they make.
- Strong Practical Skills – ESFJs are excellent managers of day-to-day tasks and routine maintenance, enjoying making sure that those who are close to them are well cared for. <- But still not doing good enough.
- Strong Sense of Duty – People with the ESFJ personality type have a strong sense of responsibility and strive to meet their obligations, though this may sometimes be more from a sense of social expectations than intrinsic drive.
- Very Loyal – Valuing stability and security very highly, ESFJs are eager to preserve the status quo, which makes them extremely loyal and trustworthy partners and employees. ESFJs are true pillars of any groups they belong to – whether it is their family or a community club, people with this personality type can always be relied upon.
- Sensitive and Warm – Helping to ensure that stability, ESFJ personalities seek harmony and care deeply about other people’s feelings, being careful not to offend or hurt anybody. <- Not so true, I know. ESFJs are strong team players, and win-win situations are the stuff smiles are made of.
- Good at Connecting with Others – These qualities come together to make ESFJs social, comfortable and well-liked. ESFJ personalities have a strong need to “belong”, and have no problem with small talk or following social cues in order to help them take an active role in their communities.
- Worried about Their Social Status – These Strengths are related to a chief Weakness: ESFJs’ preoccupation with social status and influence, which affects many decisions they make, potentially limiting their creativity and open-mindedness.
- Inflexible – ESFJs place a lot of importance on what is socially acceptable, and can be very cautious, even critical of anything unconventional or outside the mainstream. People with this personality type may also sometimes push their own beliefs too hard in an effort to establish them as mainstream.
- Reluctant to Innovate or Improvise – Just as they can be critical of others’ “unusual” behavior, ESFJs may also be unwilling to step out of their own comfort zones, usually for fear of being (or just appearing) different.
- Vulnerable to Criticism – It can be especially challenging to change these tendencies because ESFJs are so conflict-averse. ESFJ personalities can become very defensive and hurt if someone, especially a person close to them, criticizes their habits, beliefs or traditions.
- Often Too Needy – ESFJs need to hear and see a great deal of appreciation. <- Very true! If their efforts go unnoticed, people with the ESFJ personality type may start fishing for compliments, in an attempt to get reassurance of how much they are valued.
- Too Selfless – The other side of this is that ESFJs sometimes try to establish their value with doting attention, something that can quickly overwhelm those who don’t need it, making it ultimately unwelcome. Furthermore, ESFJs often neglect their own needs in the process.
Prizing social validation and a sense of belonging so highly, romantic relationships hold a special level of importance for ESFJs. No other kind of relationship provides people with the ESFJ personality type with the same level of support and devotion, and the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships are extremely warming.
With such a goal in mind, ESFJ personalities take each stage, from dating to everything thereafter, very seriously. Everything about ESFJs’ relationships is based on satisfying mutual needs, from creating understanding early on to building mutual respect and support for each other’s opinions and goals. Knowing that they are loved and appreciated has a huge effect on ESFJs’ mood and self-esteem.
Live Long Enough and Everyone Makes Mistakes…
If they feel like this support isn’t there, such as when their partners deliver criticism, ESFJs can feel extremely hurt. (Extremely true!) People with the ESFJ personality type dislike conflict and criticism, which can make it challenging to address any problems that come up. Nothing is more hurtful or depressing to ESFJs than to realize that their partners don’t respect their dreams or opinions. ESFJs can be surprisingly tough and tireless in the face of hardship, but they need to know without a doubt that their partners are behind them 100%.
Unfortunately, less mature ESFJs may lack the inner strength and wisdom to attract this in healthy ways. They can be very needy, compromising their own principles and values in exchange for their partners’ approval. This is a terrible trap – not only is it unattractive, it can too easily lead to emotionally abusive relationships, which reduce ESFJs’ self-esteem further. Another snare is their fixation on social status and approval – it’s not uncommon for ESFJs’ social circles and relatives to play a bigger part in their choice of dating partners than even their own values.
…But Learning From Those Mistakes Makes a Better Person
ESFJs are warm, loyal people who want to feel trusted and valued. They are great with practical matters like money management and administrative tasks, and are happy to take on such responsibilities in the name of taking care of the people they care about, a wonderful quality. ESFJs just need to make sure they take the time to ensure that they build relationships that allow them to satisfy their own needs and dreams, with partners who appreciate their care and generosity fully, and who reciprocate as well.
ESFJs are often very organized in how their relationships develop, following established dating rules and traditions (don’t call first, third date, etc.). As their relationships enter more sexual stages, ESFJs’ emphasis on process and tradition continue with established gender roles and socially acceptable activities.
However, since ESFJs are so centered on the physical world and are quite emotional, they tend to be very affectionate and sensual, and overall great sexual partners. People with this personality type love to find ways to make their partners happy, and this sort of intimacy is a great way to do so. As the two partners become more comfortable with each other, ESFJs are often open to experimenting and trying new things, so long as their partners are willing to reciprocate.
ESFJs have specific needs for their relationships, and certain personality types are best able to meet those needs. In general, partners should share ESFJs’ Observant (S) trait, but it can also be useful to develop a sense of introspection that Introverted (I) partners can provide, with maybe one more opposing trait to help ESFJs focus on logical decisions when appropriate, or to be more open-minded in new situations.
ESFJs are very social personality types, seeking large circles of friends and proving themselves more than willing to spend the time and energy necessary to maintain these relationships. Loyal and warm, ESFJs are known for standing by their friends no matter what, and providing a constant source of emotional support and encouragement.
Doing everything they can to make sure their friends are happy, and being so comfortable with introductions and small talk, ESFJs are naturally very popular in pretty much any environment. This is a dynamic that ESFJs genuinely enjoy, but they also expect their efforts and support to be reciprocated. There’s nothing quite as hurtful to people with the ESFJ personality type as finding out that a trusted friend is critical of their beliefs or habits, except maybe being told so in a direct confrontation.
ESFJs have a tendency to believe that their friends can do no wrong, always stepping up to defend them regardless of circumstances, and they expect the same benefit of the doubt in return. ESFJs can greatly expand their circle of friends if they learn to be more receptive to other perspectives, rather than making snap judgments and conclusions. It’s important for ESFJs, as with anyone, to avoid being insulated from other viewpoints and opinions, to relate to and understand ever more people.
We’re All in It Together
On the other hand, ESFJs are great at using their sensitivity to stay in tune with what motivates and drives their friends. While in their weaker moments, ESFJ personalities can sometimes use these observations to manipulate others, they are far more interested in maintaining strong relationships, and this is a great tool for doing so. Altruists that they are, ESFJs almost always use their powers for good, encouraging and inspiring others.
By and large, the ESFJ personality type is a pleasant and sincere one. Their energy and social intelligence win them many acquaintances and friends, and their support and dedication keep those friendships close and strong. With so much zest for life and company, dull moments are sure to be few and far between.
As parents, ESFJs have an excellent opportunity to display their warmth, affection and dedication in ways that have a real and positive impact. Sensitive yet firm, ESFJ parents are able to establish rules and authority without being entirely overbearing, using their compassion and support to smooth over the occasional miscommunication or difference of opinion.
From the start, ESFJs try to ensure that their children feel safe and happy. People with the ESFJ personality type enjoy the support they are able to give their infants, who are utterly dependent on their care. Family being as important as it is to ESFJs, this is an incredibly rewarding start to the relationship.
Handling Adversity Fosters Growth
As their children grow and begin to explore more, ESFJs’ love and care grows with them, but often becomes overprotective. ESFJs may not just keep their children safe physically, but also socially, by arranging play dates, camps and other activities so much that their children aren’t free to make the blunders that lead to emotional growth and social independence.
ESFJs value harmony and stability highly, and it’s often the case that they try to use indirect pressure to try to teach life’s lessons. When they are forced into a confrontation by their children’s blatant wrong-doing though, ESFJ parents step in firmly, and expect their words to be respected. Believers in traditional roles, ESFJ parents view the parent-child relationship in black and white terms, with their authority as final.
Character Is a Journey, Not a Destination
As their children grow into adolescence and begin to push away from their parents, ESFJs can take this transition personally. Feeling like they are losing their children, ESFJ personalities sometimes try to prolong their dependence as long as possible. It’s important to remember that when grown children leave the home, it’s because their parents were successful in preparing them for the next phase of their lives, an accomplishment ESFJs can be proud of.
ESFJs’ children will always appreciate the sensitivity and warmth that they were raised with, and as time goes on and they have their own children, they will cherish the fact that those children have the benefit of grandparents who love and care for them unconditionally.
Because ESFJs’ traits are so strongly expressed, leading with practical sense and social vigor, the careers they find most satisfying usually revolve around making the best use of these qualities. ESFJs are well-organized, enjoying bringing order and structure to their workplaces, and often work best in environments with clear, predictable hierarchies and tasks. Monotony and routine work are not a challenge for the ESFJ personality type, as they are happy to do what needs to be done.
Cooperation, not Conflict
Careers as administrators are a natural fit, allowing ESFJs to organize not just an environment, but the people in it. Their practical skills combine well with their dependability, making ESFJ personalities surprisingly good accountants – though they often prefer to be personal accountants, helping people and interacting with them directly, instead of corporate accountants crunching numbers in some back room.
Purely analytical careers are often too dull for ESFJs though – they need human interaction and emotional feedback to be truly satisfied in their line of work. Good listeners and enthusiastic team members, people with the ESFJ personality type are excellent providers of medical care and social work. Teaching is another great option, as ESFJs are comfortable with authority, but are supportive and friendly enough to keep that authority from feeling overbearing.
Being as altruistic as they are, ESFJs find it hard to be satisfied unless they know they’ve done something valuable for another person. This is often the driving force behind ESFJs’ careers and career advancement, and makes religious work and counseling particularly rewarding.
Whatever they choose to do, ESFJ personalities’ comfort with busy social situations and practical knowledge and skills come together to create people who are not just able to be productive and helpful, but people who genuinely enjoy it.
ESFJ in the Workplace
When it comes to the workplace, ESFJs have clear tendencies that show through regardless of their position. People with the ESFJ personality type thrive on social order and harmony, and use their warmth and social intelligence to make sure that each person knows their responsibilities and is able to get done what needs to get done. ESFJs are comfortable, even dependent on clear hierarchies and roles, and whether subordinates, colleagues or managers, ESFJ personalities expect authority to be respected and backed up by rules and standards.
With clearly defined responsibilities and a sense of purpose, ESFJs are patient, efficient, hard-working people who respect the authority of their managers. While ESFJs may struggle with too much freedom and improvisation, they thrive in workplaces with structure, safety and guidelines. Routine tasks are not a problem for ESFJs, and their dedication and loyalty earn them the respect of their managers.
Teamwork is a concept that ESFJs have no trouble putting into practice. Often seeking friends at work, people with this personality type are almost always willing to lend a hand when and where it’s needed. Excellent networkers, ESFJs always seem to “know just the guy” to bring a project together on time. On the other hand, ESFJs often need to work on a team – being stuck alone chipping away at paperwork for days on end just leaves them tired and unfulfilled.
ESFJs take pride in these qualities, which has the side effect of making them particularly sensitive when they come under criticism. When their suggestions and help are turned down, ESFJ personalities can take it personally. Already somewhat vulnerable to stress, rejections like these can be pretty demoralizing, and ESFJs may need their coworkers to make an effort to express their appreciation from time to time.
ESFJs enjoy the responsibility that comes with organizing social situations, and the enjoyment they feel in managing other people translates well into management positions. As team leaders, ESFJs find ways to make everyone feel involved, uniting people and smoothing relations in order to get things done.
At the same time, ESFJs have a strong respect for traditional power structures, and if after all their efforts convincing their subordinates to work together someone ends up challenging their authority, they can stress out, lose their temper, and just generally react badly. People with the ESFJ personality type are sensitive about their status and dislike conflict, and prefer situations where everyone knows their role. So long as expectations are clearly outlined, ESFJs are effective and enjoyable managers.
ESFJ Personality – Conclusion
Few personality types are as practical and caring as ESFJs. Known for their social and administrative skills, ESFJs are good at creating and maintaining a secure, stable and friendly environment for themselves and their loved ones. ESFJs’ dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.
Yet ESFJs can be easily tripped up in areas where their kindness and practical approach are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, learning to relax or improvise, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder, or managing their workload, ESFJs need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.
My conclusion: ESFJs care a lot and love to help a lot, but we need a lot of appreciation. When one constantly criticises on what ESFJs have done wrong or have not done good enough, more often than looking and appreciating what they have done for you or what they have done right, in terms of work, love, family, or friendship, it is very hurting and disappointing for them, needless to say, heartbreaking 💔